FlashBacks of a Bachelor - Part 1

Well, there are times when you feel something from inside and you are so sure that this cant go wrong and world around you will change for good, that is when you suddenly wake up and realize you were asleep & just dreaming. Hang on, not just this. You are not alone. Heck No! When did this happen? Just last night I slept on 'MY' bed with 'MY' pillow cuddling inside 'MY' blanket. So what the F.C.U.K. happened in just about 8 hours.

Oh God! I need to fix this thing. Shall I go back to sleep, I wonder. Am I still dreaming. There is a person sleeping next to me, this can't be real. Did someone drug me to eternity or am I on completely different planet. The moment of shock takes little time to sink in. "Take some water" - I say to myself. After a glass of water, things start coming back. No, I wasn't alone last night, yes the person sleeping next to me, right now, was with me last night as well. Who is she? (Still wondering). Suddenly a voice from other room comes- "Wake up Man! How long will you be sleeping? Bring your wife also with you. Its about time"

"OK!" I say. Wait! What? What did you just say? Bring who with me? WIFE! OMFL, what in the world did I do bad? I am married overnight, or is it just one of those ads from makemytrip.com or Fanta where the subject in the question is not able to remember what happened with them. But I am not able to re-collect any of the wonderful memories of Thailand or Bangkok or Switzerland (as in the ads)? If I am married I might as well have gone for a honeymoon? Right? Well, a valid question.

I come out of my room. A weird sense of happiness & freshness all around. "Haan Beta, did you sleep well last night?" comes a sound from behind. My Grandma. "Well, yes I say". Shall I ask her who is the person sleeping inside MY room on MY bed. Lots of things going around in my mind. Suddenly the heart and mind are arguing over millions of possibilities of what kind of White Pigeon's Brown crap I have got myself into. Is this the price you pay for oversleeping? Damn, I should have listened to my parents from very beginning when they used to tell don't sleep too much. Early to Bed Early to Rise, I swear, from Now on but pls tell me I am still sleeping. This is not true.

And before I could say something - "So, Wassup bro! Must have slept nicely. Pleasant weather, not alone anymore" comes the voice from the steps in front of me. Oh Ghost, my sister. What is she doing in this dream? Is this some kind of test if I can be hypnotized? So to whosoever doing this, pls you have been successful. I have been hypnotized and piss scared as well. Get me out of my sleep. I rush back to my room, to find the bed empty. "Oh! What a relief" - I say to myself. I get into bed so that I can wake up from my dream.

Suddenly I am awaken by a loud noise of Pressure Cooker whistling at its peak as if it has to take all the bloody steam out just now itself. "So, that actually was a dream, Thank God!". Before I can even have a thought of thinking something else, someone walks into the room. "Good Morning! Had a long sleep, eh? Its 12 o'clock dear. And you still don't look like getting up". Hang On! I came out of one dream and fell into another. Is the Story of 'INCEPTION' true. Is someone doing that to me now. Controlling my dreams. Trying to change my thoughts and make me believe I am somebody else. Pls let me sleep and wake up how I usually wake up. The person comes near & touches my face. Freaks! Its real. She is real. This ain't a dream anymore. I am scared to ask now who is she. What if she is actually my wife. I cant ask my wife "are you my wife?".

I gather some strength and courage & manage to say this - "What happened last night? I am not able to remember". "Nothing, Usual.. You watched TV, then you were stuck onto your stupid laptop till late & now you don't want to get up". OK the sound of that is familiar. That is so me but what that doesn't answer my question exactly. OK, here I try to be more specific and ask - "What were you doing last night" (impressing on the fact that I dint ask What were you doing here tonight). "Nothing, usual.. I was sitting with you for sometime, with you paying no attention on me and concentrating totally on your stupid movie. So, I finally decided to sleep. What else can I do when you are so engrossed in it". Did that answer my question. No, I guess. How do I try now. Finally, a thought comes up to my mind. Lets call a friend and ask him whats this all about. To my surprise, my phone is not to be seen. What? Another theft? Where is my phone I wonder. Shall I ask her. I go out and see HER playing with it. OK, would that be rude to ask a lady to give back your phone to you. She might ask what do I need with the phone, I just got up. I am literally shivering, hands gone Ice Cold. I rush to loo. My favorite place in the world. Let me remember where am I missing things.

"Aaah!" - I say. What a relief. It was as if I had been constipated for long. And that wakes me up from my half sleep. I come out. Refreshed. See a lady standing, I re-collect her as my wife. Suddenly a weird grin breaks out on my face. I decide to give her a hug. Go inside my room. And laugh at myself.

First thing, I saw a dream inside a dream or may be two dreams while sleeping, and secondly it was all happening while sitting in a Toilet (or should I say while Shitting in a Toilet). Life sometimes has good sense of humor. Oh Lord! Are these supposed to be nightmares or just reminder to reality. I don't know. Lets just call them Flashbacks of a Bachelor.

Cheers to all Bachelors. Life is one. Live it while you can, after marriage its all about realizing that you can sleep at places where you cant even imagine (Or shall I say your dream at places where you shit).

:-)

Some Letters Incomplete, Some Mails Unsent..

Hi,

So the small token of my due respect has reached you. Its just a token of sheer love and my real thankfulness for what all you have done and given to me in last 3 years or so. I really miss being with you. I wanted to give a much bigger one to you and that too in front of everyone, guess my destiny had different plans. Anyways, hope u liked it.

Pls don't think of returning the favor by sending me something or doing something stupid. Its just that I really wanted to thank you from the core of my heart. I couldn't find anything better or rather couldn't even think of it. Tried various stuffs but this was like a dream to present you a ring, of course a much better one. Still I thought this would be the best option to go for it. Anyways, so now you are entering a new life for which the foundation has already been laid. I wish you all the very best, May all the success and the happiness come in your life.

You always deserved better and so you got. Happy that pain like me is out of your life now. I am not sure how to react but a part of myself is happy to see you doing all that you have done for your family. Trust me, you are something special. I don't know if anyone else realizes it but you really are. You were someone special for me, and will always remain like that.

The time we spent together, I really miss it. Well I was never born all that lucky so I just thank God and You for giving me such beautiful days of my life. But regrets are there of course for letting you down and notwithstanding you in tough times unlike you did to me. Well, am sorry for that. But as usual I take it for granted that you don't bother and you will forgive me.

The ring selection was not all that easy. I had to actually go to various places to search for one. I had selected actually another one which was in white gold. But when I went again after few days to finally buy it I don't know how the price went out my range. Its not that I couldn't buy it for you, its just that I fought with them for lying and then I didn't want to buy that brand itself. That is when I actually decided not to buy off the ring. But then I forced myself somehow to CARBON and got this one. Its a very cheap ring and very light. Went alone so couldn't even try on someone as you wouldn't have liked it. I just hope it fits you in any of the fingers. If it doesn't I am sure you would find a way to make its best of use or you can give it someone close to you.

Would have loved to give it to you myself, but I guess it seems unlikely now. I don't want to bother you more as I have already done enough to hurt you. Anyways enough of boring you again. Sorry for what I couldn't be and what I couldn't do for you. Trust me grudge would remain forever and if anytime, anywhere you feel like asking me something (which is highly unlikely I know) I would be waiting. And also Thanks again for all the love and the care. I respect your feelings. And the love remains in the heart.

So take care. May you get more than what you deserve and the showers full of life and happiness continue in your life. All the best to you and your new life. All the best to your lucky one..!! :)

With Love,
Your Truly,
Idiot..!!

Just Another Random Thought..!!

What is life? Now that's one heck of a question. Nobody can define and whosoever tries, gives it his own version. Happy people describe it to be full of colors, joys, wonderful moments or whatever they perceive directly relating to their happiness. Sad people call it otherwise. Full of pain, heartaches and some good people even go on & say 'Life is a Bitch'. Well, surely a nice way to put it. At the end of it say whatever you want, the point is for all of you, me , we - its only one life and we all know its not a dress rehearsal. So, we basically live how and what we make of it. If we cant make it the way we want it, then at least we can think the way we want to make it. At least that's a good start. Won't it give the same joy? OK, here's something to think about. Whats the difference in the happiness (or joy) of a person when they comes to know that he / she is going to be father / mother & when they actually hold the baby in their arms for the first time. Well if we go to the very beginning, its Just another Random Thought. It starts with you thinking to have a baby then going ahead & conceiving one & finally delivering one. The thought itself is so nice, wonderful or rather even more beautiful.

Whats the difference in the happiness of any person who blushes at the very thought of getting married and is actually overjoyed when its fixed and super excited when he/she knows that they won't be lonely anymore rather there will be someone waiting for them when they return to home from now on. Just a Random Thought again.

Everybody these days seems to be having this same question on their faces, in their hearts. How many of us are actually born to be what we are? Did Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam think, the day he started thinking, that he will be the President of the country. Did Sachin Tendulkar know that he would go on and become legend in the Arena of Cricketing World when he was just few months old. Life gives us so much. There is so much to take from it. Why can't we just exploit it. Ever heard someone saying I am happy 'cos I just exploited ('raped' in its crude sense) my life and got most tastiest juice ever possible. Just another Freakin' Random Thought again, Isn't it?

Life is same for everyone. Nobody asks you to live it in a particular manner. Nobody forces you to do things you do everyday. It just comes out of habit or nature or may be the need of that particular time. Here are few lines which have been doing rounds and rounds for quite sometime now. Just Another Random Thought. Well I am happy 'cos I finally write it down. Even more happier that a couple of people would actually read it as well. And some might actually appreciate.

Here you go -

थी क्या बात उस हसीन मुलाक़ात की ,
जब तुमने आकर दी थी दस्तक दिल में ;
थी क्या बात उस बेगैरत रात की ,
जब डूब गयी थी ज़िन्दगी ग़म में ;
और क्या है बात इस मुलाक़ात की ,
जब दिल फिर से रुक गया तुम्हे देख कर ;
और क्या है बात इस छोटी सी बात की ,
जब एक लफ्ज़ न निकला धडकनें सुन कर ;
हाँ आज भी याद है मुझे वो मुस्कान ,
हाँ आज भी याद है मुझे Sec 8 की वो दूकान ;
बैठ कर किसी ने समझाया था मुझे प्यार का सबक ,
पर नहीं माना दिल और लुट ही गया उसी ज़ालिम पर ;
अब सोचता हूँ क्या कसूर था मेरा ,
नहीं पुकारा उन्हें फिर से ये गुरूर था मेरा ;
आज रहते हैं वो उस मोहल्ले में ,
जहाँ कभी जाने से रोका करते थे ;
लगती है प्यारी वो गलियां भी ,
जिन्हें देख कर मूंह फेरा करते थे ...!!

There's more and I am sure it will come out even more better. The point is why not just bring some wonderful positive energies to our lives. Lets just try to do something which will give us a sense of happiness from inside, not to show it to someone. A real joy far away from the materialistic hypocrisy of this world. Lets just try to see others happy. Lets forget what we are facing and try to see if we can be part of someone Else's joy or a reason anyhow somehow. Trust me Dear Friends it gives you even more pleasure than making yourself happy with something. Try It.. But then again Its Just Another Bloody Random Thought.. I leave it to one and all.

With this Cheers to Life..!!

In the End..

The Last Step -

And then came a voice from the loudspeaker installed on every part of the Airport where a living being can possibly be: - "Passengers flying through Spicejet SG201 to Pune are requested to proceed for boarding. Have a pleasant flight!"

Suddenly, my hurt sunk. It was as if I am losing myself. But NO! I had to control myself. I had to be strong. I had to prove to someone that I can be happy. I had promised, after all, that I will be.

The Leap Forward -

And then she started walking towards the Check-in Counters. "please turn once" I thought. Feelings getting even stronger and saying "please come back to me". Oh God, if only I could had one last moment with her. But no destiny had already decided which path to take. And it was leading directly from outside of the Airport to check-in counters via Security line to Final Boarding into Airbus 380.

I could not turn back till she disappeared completely. Eyes kept searching her till the last possible point where they could. I was not able to believe that a day would come when I will bid a final good bye to someone who I had dreamt to spend my entire life with. But as I said Destiny had already decided to take a different path. So Be it!

The First Step -

And then I hugged her. It was the moment. The time had come. "please take care of yourself. for yourself and for me. I'm sorry again" - She said. I was quite. Dead silent. I didn't say anything. I did not have anything to say. Or shall I say I didn't know what to say. Heart was saying talk to her. Stop her. Mind was arguing "and what exactly do u plan to say to make her stay Mr. Heart??".

Finally we saw each other. My eyes just didn't want to let her go. My heart was thumping at its highest as if I was running some 100mtr dash and have to break the world record. No!, it cant be happening. No!, something was wrong. Yes!, She was leaving me FOREVER!

I still remember the wonderful gust of wind which changed my life few years ago. And I will certainly remember this day when all the air in the universe seemed to have left my part of the world. At night, cool breezes have stopped giving the same chill, The moon's coolness don't take me into dreamland anymore. Yeah, one sure thing is I have started talking to myself even more. I have few things left unanswered. I surely must remember. And I do..

And so it happened, in the end... We finally took our own path. You left for your better good, I came to back to my sad half.

On that note. Cheers to life!! :-) I'll be back soon...

The year that was & the one which has come..!!

So I made a New Year resolution, to blog more often (and to apologize for the prolonged absence late last year, during which may be a couple of you apparently came, repeatedly, looking for updates. Sorry — life happened).

On second thought, that last line was written on my notepad file 3 days ago, I have never made any resolutions, in fact I am not a resolution making types. I make resolutions every single day and make sure they are not followed for even the very next day. But yeah, so called Year 2010 has happily passed away. Some say it was natural. My deepest condolences to another year who passed away 'naturally'. A lot happened, a lot more could have happened (avoided), a lot more will happen, probably already waiting to happen.

Had to make couple of huge decisions. One made, other still not. The one which was made, wasn't all that great. Changed my job. Or shall I say changed my first job. Actually was left with no option but to look out for something before being declared an 'outlaw' in my own company among my own people, who still, by the way, say I am a good guy. Well, thanks a lot but why is it then I am the one who was... Lets not get into details of that. As I wrote earlier Life Happened. Joined a so called Foreign Company (bank to be precise). Well, Oh Hell yeah! Its completely different experience. From 'Ties' to 'daily shaves' to wearing 'suits' on occasions (if not daily), everything changed to great extent. Life became like that of a celebrity. I had never been so sophisticated in life & I am actually surprised with myself. I mean wearing a 'tie' everyday. Never tried it after 9th standard in school also. I mean I was supposed to be one of the bright stars among the lot, so it was pardoned for me. College life had been casual as well. Probably I wore tie only twice in 2 years of my MBA. Once during a presentation where it was made compulsory to wear a tie (as that crazy teacher assigned some marks to so called 'dressing sense') & other during an interview. Well, I don't have a problem in wearing ties, in fact it improves your personality, but problem comes when you are supposed to shave your skin off your face everyday. I mean how is that possible. The moment I put that razor blade on my face both of them start giving weird expressions. My face & the razor. The face says - "Please don't scratch me off. I am gonna be a vital element of your personality. And mind you Mr. Vikas you are still single". Honestly I have no answer to that. And then the Razor says - "I don't have any problems with you rubbing me anywhere, your face or your ass, but give me something to remove also, for instance say hair?" Anyways this is so called supposed to be a MNC culture. My Arse!

Well, in all life was full of some light, some heavy, some uncontrollably sad & some superbly awesome moments. Hope the new year brings even more of joy & happiness and life continues the way it has so far. Only wish, May it becomes little less of complex and little more of understandable. I don't expect it to get easier. :-)

Aah!! Now to the decision which was left undecided. Probably you would have already guessed. Well, in all possibilities I had somehow thought I would get to chose someone special this year. Of course looking at how things started & how they turned out at home made it even more obvious that this is gonna be THE year. In simple words "Bakra Katne ki Baari aa Gayi Thi". Well, not sure whether it was good or not but I haven't still found someone worth sharing the life with. Or shall I say nobody else found me worth giving their valuable self. I would simply blame it on family. When you don't show interest they keep 'bambooing' your arse to say yes. And then when finally you say yes, all becomes so quite. :-) Not that I am so desperate but yes everything has some fun attached to it. I also wanted to be a part of fun. Looking at some girls. Meeting some more. Discussing 'Do you know how to cook food' 'Do you have any problem staying far away from your family' 'Do you think I am too thin for you' 'Do you have someone else in your life' 'What is your qualification' (I hope that qualifies for a question to be asked on such situations). All these questions are so meaningful at this juncture, aren't they? Which otherwise irritate you in normal life. Well, enough said about this, lets hope the new year brings new opportunities, new beginnings and new life. Its good to share your life and yourself with someone. God also never lived alone. In fact he had many partners to share himself with. Nothing wrong in choosing one for yourself. Of course then again sense of closeness, sharing, caring, loving, and all those wonderful feelings makes life even more special.

So Hope is the word. Lets see what and how it turns out to be. Amen!!